Me or My Information?

I remember Master Johwa speaking about information very often when I first started training with him. I never heard anyone talk about choosing information before. It seemed strange to me at the time and I didn’t really think much of it.

One night after attending a workshop I went home and watched a movie. It had a lot of violence and dark images which was normal to me because I liked action movies and it seemed just fine at the time.

Later I took a shower and suddenly I felt disturbed. As if what I watched was lingering in my mind and was now bothering me. I didn’t understand why this was bothering me.

This experience would come again and again with other things that seemed normal to me at one time and now irritate me. It feels as if I couldn’t see what was wrong with it before or as if I was similar to that information before and now I’m changing and so is my taste in that information.

At some point I got a little ambitious and decided to take some action by using information. I figured if water seeks its own level, like I did with dark movies, then maybe if I choose to surround myself with higher quality information regularly it will raise my level even higher.

I decided to changed the playlist on my phone with music and audio that supported my hopes and aspirations for myself instead of just things that I normally prefer. I also tried to avoid information that I liked but didn’t serve my purpose.

It’s amazing what a difference it made in a short time. I got excited and bought headphones that I kept on most of the day. People make a lot of comments because I’m always wearing those headphones. They think I’m just listening to music for entertainment. Sometimes I feel like it gives me a good buffer between myself and information that I don’t want lingering around my brain.

I learned a lot about myself through this experiment. I learned that the negative information that lingers was always happening to me but now I’m becoming more aware of it and can do something about it and with it. I learned that negative information tends to stay with me for about 2-3 days before it really calms down. I learned that it takes me about 2-3 days to process some new information and much longer for shocking information. I also learned that I am drawn to certain information which is not in my best interest and that I choose that information more when I am tired, stressed, upset, or when I loose my headphones for a few days.
I also learned that if you don’t continuously choose higher quality information you can sink far and fast and it becomes harder to choose well again. But the thing I like best is that now there is more of a choice. Before what ever information surrounded me long enough became me. I would say things like “that’s me” not realizing it is more of accumulated and unmanaged information than who I am. Using this in daily life makes me feel more like a player in the game of life instead of just a victim.

Holiday Season-Reset your GPS

What am I going to get this holiday season? I really have been good. Maybe a new car or wide screen television will make me happy. But again, what “thing” can actually bring me true happiness?

Like most emotions, real happiness comes from within, right? Although material things, experiences or other people can trigger the generalized emotion (of happiness), doesn’t the “real thing” come from a conscious decision on our part to be happy? Okay, then, this is going to be easy-I’ll just choose to be happy.

Yeah, your right, choosing to be happy and becoming truly happy isn’t all that easy.  But it is a start. Like anything of value, happiness -once chosen-is something that requires action. So, after we decide to be happy there is a decision to be made as to what plan of action to take, in order to reach that destination. Although you should focus on yourself, be sure to pay attention to the other people around you as it is hard to enjoy a feast if your neighbors are starving.

Why can’t I meditate?

hopefulWith the advances in neuroscience and better measurement tools such as MRI, scientists are finding hard facts about benefits of meditation. For example, a study by Harvard unveils the cognitive and psychological benefits of meditation that go beyond stress relief and relaxation. Meditation group participants had a significant increase in gray-matter density in the areas of the brain associated with learning and memory compared to the control group. These effects were seen over 8 weeks with an average practice time of 27 minutes each day.

Still, despite the numerous benefits, I found it incredibly hard to sit still for a prolonged period of time when I started. Why? Was there something wrong with me? Why even 5 minutes of “doing nothing” caused such discomfort and pain? I had applied a process of statistical thinking to find the root-cause of my predicament and the means to succeed. The good news is that if I could succeed, you can, too.

Initial condition

Was I always like this? Of course not – as a child I could go the whole day “doing nothing” and being happy. Each one of us had a clean slate and sometime during adolescence we’ve trained ourselves to multitask, memorize, judge, decide and do all kinds of mental work except one – clean and purify at the conclusion of the task. I precisely remember a moment when I realized I finally learned to multitask, but at that moment I also felt I lost something far more precious – ability to just be. I could not retrain myself to switch from a scattered mind to a single mind easily. This was the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning.

Desired outcome

Become the master of my mind. Later on I learned that this goal is not the best goal to have, but for the time being let’s assume this is something a novice practitioner can strive for.

A process

My purpose is not to develop a set of rules to go from A to B, but rather think about what kind of energy and sincerity is needed to be successful in meditation.

  • Time frame: how long did it take for me to accumulate the mental garbage? Years, decades? Is it reasonable to expect all of that miraculously disappear in a short meditation practice? I have a rule of three: any new activity that I want to learn more about, I should give at least 3 tries. With a highly cognitive activity such as meditation, a month may not be enough. It depends on the initial state of the practitioner. The more open and humble attitude helps, but is not a prerequisite.
  • What motivates me? Am I more likely to succeed when I am motivated by the process itself, or when I keep my mind on the end result? In the latter, I educate myself about the benefits of the end result, and remember to have patience and determination to go through. If my goal is to be able to enjoy the process of meditation faster, much more energy and resources may be required to break through the self-constructed barriers and hard-wired habits.
  • Observing the progress. It is the one of the hardest things to measure and acknowledge. Observing self with impartiality means that I have already reached a major milestone! The quality of thoughts, emotions, and relationships can be tracked via writing a diary.

One of my favorite guided meditation methods is listening to “Buddhas’ Fun” CD. When I am struggling with my thoughts, I listen to “breakup meditation” track. When I want to recover fun in my brain and warmth in my heart, I listen to “Buddhas’ fun” track.

The beautiful thing about meditation is that the enjoyment of the process and the end result can grow without limits, irrespective of age, wealth, social status, and fame. Anyone can do it if they set their mind to it. What a wonderful gift we all possess!

Savor ‘Who am I?’ – rider of the storm

wave-3

Turbulence – coming and going. Thrown into the storm. Emotions

Turbulence – Life; feeling alive. Do I always appreciate feeling so alive and look forward to its lesson and accept it?

Waves. The ocean. Fighting it – hurting and drowning.

Accept the waves coming and going? People coming into my life and leaving? Luck and trouble intermingled. Luck is trouble.

A rider of the waves
accepting and feeling the waves, moving with their motion, up and down, unwavering. Enjoying the ups and downs, while knowing in the end there is always defeat.

Victorious defeat of me over myself.
Of SELF watching my self.
Elevating to the next wave that comes down at the same time, endlessly.
Eternally – love, being alive – genuine LIFE.

A rider of the waves – to become a master of the waves.

Savoring the power – becoming mine. Becoming me. Becoming ‘Who am I?’.

Becoming.

Being
genuinely

Where Am I? When Am I? Who the Heck Am I ?!?

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“…So even though you may visit me and we would say that we are here and now, together, consciousness-wise everybody is in very different places.” Harmony Meditation

I was reading this passage this morning while sitting in the kitchen as my wife and mother were doing some dishes.  The second I read that line I saw myself and them as if we were in our own worlds.  Our bodies are here together but really I feel like we are in completely different places.  An impression as if something vaguely above their heads are quite different and mine as well.  Where are we?

Where am I?  Sometimes I feel like I’m in my head, other times in my heart.  Sometimes I feel like I am surrounding my body.  Why?  Which is right, if any?

I make a great effort to stay “Here and now” but what does that really mean to me?  I have my own assumption, I guess it’s because I experienced somethings differently and associate them with “here” or “now” but of course I don’t think it is either completely.  I just figure it is more so than what I am used to.

I make that effort but interact all day with people who these things are not important to.  I find myself wandering away with them.  Sometimes it feels like I’m drunk or dizzy.  Other times I get frustrated and angry.  Sometimes I express that anger and it seems to do no good.  Other times it seems to work most efficiently.

Sometimes I am focusing with a great sense of urgency, then all of the sudden I am swept away by completely random things.  What happened?  Where did I go?  Why is it happening all of the sudden?

Sometimes I feel like I’m Matt and it feels honest and sincere.  Other times I feel like I’m Matt and it is completely false.  A newer experience is Matt is there and I can talk about him without him getting too defensive.  Sometimes he runs loose and now I don’t let that bother me much, when this body is tired there is no winning sometimes.  Who is seeing that?  Who the heck am I?  Sometimes I don’t really care, other times I want to know, most times I want to know and feel fear.  Why do I have to go through this even?!

So I am a me that isn’t me trying to focus on me while others are pulling me away from me but I have to continuously give extreme effort to focus on me while giving extreme effort to focus on them because the they who is not them is pulling them too far away from them that might cause too many problems for us who isn’t really us?!?  Seriously What The Heck!!!  Sometimes this is my 24 hour day experience.

An urgency wakes me up in the morning too early.  My body wants to sleep, my thoughts aren’t choosing this either.  Is this a real me?  Even though it’s pushing me it doesn’t feel like me either.  Why am I waking up?  I don’t know anything at all.

Dear Zombies

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Zombies,

I don’t know if I should thank both of you for staying with me for a long time.

In my earlier life, it had been like

“I gave you my money and you enjoyed whatever so,
I gave you my money again and you did the same stuff to come back”

What are you?  I thought your name was Hunger Zombies or Desire Zombies like that.
I didn’t know that you have your king and queen ZOMBIEs though.  Years ago, I realized that both of you are not bad at all, even very good sometimes, compare to your king family.  I accept that I gave you too harsh judgement at that time.  My apologies.  I don’t think it’s appropriate if I reveal their real name here.  I think they like to be unknown.

BTW, I sent a good goodbye to your king.

I’ve got to eat something.  See ya!

Impostor of Love

“Your body language shapes who you are” – said Amy Cuddy in her TED talk. We are more used to thinking that our body language is a manifestation of who we are, not the other way around. The authors of the controlled experiment inferred that by changing the posture for only 2 minutes they were able to observe significant changes in body chemistry. In the power pose group the average cortisol level (stress hormone) decreased by 25 percent and the average testosterone level increased by 19% from the baseline.

www.vi.visualize.us

What impressed me most is duration of poses: in only 2 minutes the body responded to  postures. My teacher Grand-Master Johwa Choi always said that human body is very honest, it does not lie. You could train your mind by training your body, and the other way around. Then the question is: what value do I want to internalize and project the most? For some people or situations, it may be power, and doing the power poses as suggested in the talk might help. For others, it may be love, freedom, and hope.

Practitioners of meditation have long known of the self-persuasion process. Our feelings are subjective because they are judged by us, the very same object that is feeling them. Feeling love or not feeling love is not a yes/no type of measurement, and over time practitioners can recognize purity, vastness, and subtlety of their own feelings. It is quite possible to feel tired and uplifted at the same time, painful and joyful, sad and hopeful.

I choose to focus on expanding my love, even if I am not feeling it at the moment toward a person or toward myself. Sometimes it is so tiny, I have to send in a SWAT team to make it show itself. The subject of love can be anything, the bigger the better – humanity or even the whole Universe. Love keeps growing with constant care, attention, and practice, until one day it will become 100% love all the time, everlasting and overflowing.  I live for that day.

Dr. Cuddy’s main message was: “Fake it until you become it.” My teacher’s message in the ZEN method workshop is:

“Breathe love until it flows out of your eyes and ears.”

What kind of love? Not the relative love, but the absolute MuAh-centered love. Enjoy your  love!