What an experience this has been. I remember when I started training with Grand Master Johwa and I became more sensitive to feeling energy. I would sometimes sense negativity from others and want to avoid them. Then I could sense what seemed like others trying to take energy from me. It didn’t seem like it on the surface, they were just talking to me with casual chit chat but I could sense something else going on and wanted to avoid them.
Then one day I did a training and sensed something surprising. I felt what seemed to be my energy body all around me and as I was speaking to some people I could sense my energy pulling at everyone there. That was the first time I realized how much I was desperately pulling at others all of the time. I would realize this more and more as time went on. I would sense myself pulling at others while telling a joke, bringing up some casual chit chat, even with just a look or an expression.
Sometimes I could sense what seemed to be the cause of it. I can’t be sure about it or describe it that well but basically a very desperate, anxious, and hopless needing sense from within myself. All of this was wrapped up with a personality and a smile that seems totally normal. I would look away from this and feel bad about it. Later I didn’t judge myself as much because I realized this is just a normal human being. I see this in myself and almost everyone else I interact with everyday. From what I understand we are going through this because we don’t know who we truly are and look outside of ourselves for a sense of fullfilment.
I have taken on many differnt purposes for my life in the past. When I made my purpose and mission for the whole of humanity to find their True Self and be truly fullfiled is when I experienced a beautiful break from that anxiousness.
Even though I am not complete myself yet, just hoping for it for others is such a powerful tool. When aligned with that mission I don’t want to avoid others when sensing something negative happening. When I am really aligned with that mission people can pull at me and I feel no discomfort, just love and as if a brightness is shining from me out to them that sometimes even seems to ease that anxious sense in them. When I’m over tired and unaligned it’s a disaster.
I think of how much I pulled, pushed, and flat out faught with my teacher in the past. How much discomfort did I send his way? I remember one time sitting there expressing something negative and could literaly feel the darkness around my body. Then brightness eminating from him gently washing it away. He never avoids these things. I really admire him now and want to have that kind of patience. Lol it’s really tough though.
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