I have weathered what seemed to be a heavy cold with all the pleasantries – cough, voice loss, and an apathetic state with no desire to get up or even live. Thankfully, this is over, and it is time to get back on track with my meditation practice.
Even when I am perfectly healthy, there are days when it’s hard to bring myself to do it. “Just do it!†– a strong voice says, and the little voice replies – “But I am so tired, and I did so many great things today.†It does happen that a little voice wins and goes to bed smiling smugly. I learned to let it go once a while, as long as the frequency of these “victories†is sparse. Today the strong voice after a period of silence has decided restarting the practice, and the little voice had to oblige with the commander. I knew it would not be easy, and I knew to keep my expectations low after a longer-than-I-am-willing-to-admit-to break.
As soon as I sat on the cushion, I could feel the intense fire in the right side of my brain. It was the little voice making all sorts of noises and throwing tantrums – “you see, I told you can’t do it, you are still sick, why don’t you lay down and take it easy?†I waited patiently and the pain came down to the chest, then to the liver and stomach area with some cramping pains, and finally to the lower abdomen and out. After an occasional coughing bout the circle of pain would make rounds again from top to bottom. When I finished, I got up, walked around, and the veil of fog has lifted for me to see that I am ready to be who I am again. Thank you!